The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
