I hate all girls vehemently.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
