I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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