Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
