o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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