Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I AM VODKA MAN
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
