Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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