I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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