Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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