this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
