I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
