its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Two words: blizzard sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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