i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
