That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
