my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
