THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
