he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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