I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
