He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Vodka?
Forever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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