can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
