last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
