Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
