maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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