why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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