i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
