oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
