dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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