YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize