YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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