if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Randomize
