So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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