I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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