She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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