I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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