i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
