Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You ruined the universe
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
