I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
