i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
