Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
