Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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