I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
