Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
