i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
try to milk me bitch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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