Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
