on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Panties = found
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
