I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
