And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
