Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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