Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
