Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
