I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
