either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
