I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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