I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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