Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I love how my cats smell like pot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
