she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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