Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
