I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
