I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
