She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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