Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
