i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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