i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
