they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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