even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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