she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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