Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
