When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
