This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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