get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
