I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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