I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
BRING THE BAGELS
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