ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
