Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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