apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
